there is the most incredible cloud outside its like a ridiculously long thin line and im so excited about it
heres me pretending to be breathing it out
remember the time shrek 2 ended with the best animated music number ever for no apparent reason
nice try mom
[ding dong, ding dong]
Hello, sir and/or madam! Have you heard the good news?
one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad
Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional
i’m sick of people thinking that they can judge others on a normal bodily function and that the only way they can be accepted is to wear something that is harmful/poisonous to your body. just because some men in the 1880’s decided bodily odor was no longer acceptable.
bitch you stink
i’m not even confused about my sexuality i just don’t really give a shit
my favorite part of any trip to mcdonalds is the sudden and unavoidable flashbacks to the time when I got stuck in the slide for 5.5 hours and the staff had to slide down mcnuggets so I could keep up my energy while they cut the slide in half with a hacksaw. half-slide is still there, haunting me and the other kids who sudden fall through a hole halfway through their journey down